Decisions are the WORST! sometimes :)

So I am SO tired of transitions of life... especially because this one is lasting abnormally long. I have had some really amazing experiences in the mean time... there are some days that I totally love what I have been doing with my life and other days when I think that I am a complete nuisance to society.

Mother's day weekend I have a second job interview in Wisconsin. The first interview was over the phone... it went well... and they decided that they should fly me out to meet me...

I should be ecstatic about this... and I am... but my friend suggested I apply for the job and as I looked at the job requirements I felt very qualified from my work experience at BYU as an interviewer, researcher, and field director of a family research study called Flourishing Families. This is the kind of work that I did in Seattle... and it was something I was good at!

One might ask... what is the problem then? Well before I heard about this job I was planning on going to summer school and taking a political science class and economics to see if I wanted to get my masters in Public Policy or Public Administration... and Now I have two options... that is if they offer me the job...

As I first found out about the job in Madison, Wisconsin I had no real intention of ever going there. As time went on I found out I have two friends there right now... which is promising. I asked one of my friends about the singles ward and he said there were about 40 people there and it is really great! He likes it... that was very promising for me. I was really excited... I thought that I would be able to take a few classes while I was working and then I could kill two birds with one stone... have a new adventure... live in new place and be who ever I wanted to be yet once again. It would be far from home and family, but I have done that before and it would work. I was really really excited about the prospect of moving there... not to mention I would be able to have some pretty good vacation benefits and I would be able to travel in the Midwest of the United States which I really haven't done yet. If you know me... there is one thing that should be obvious... I LOVE TO TRAVEL and SEE NEW PLACES!!!!! SO that would work out great!

I didn't really know how to prepare for my phone interview so I just thought of some of the different experiences that I had while working in Seattle on Flourishing Families. The one constant truth about research is that the only thing constant is CHANGE so you better be flexible and adaptable and willing to CHANGE even if it means throwing away hours of work! I enjoyed talking to the people interviewing me. I answered everything truthfully and honestly and in fact there were many questions that had the same answer for me... so I blatantly said... "I am sorry, I feel like I am being redundant in my answers... I just don't have a different one" They were OK with that. They asked me some questions that did not make sense to me... and others were perfectly fine. One thing that bothered me much more than I ever imagined was "Where do you see yourself in a future career" Luckily I got out of the answer by asking a pertinent question.... BUT really I don't want a career for the long haul, I want to get married and have a family. I want to be a wife and a mother... and I might want to do something a few days a week for myself in a "work" like position... but I Want to be a MOTHER!!! Do I have to have a career and think about that being my future... the truth is that is a possibility so I might as well prepare myself for it right?

Any way... there are so many thoughts in my head right now as to if I would want to accept the job if it was offered to me... and the bottom line is... I want to do what is best for me... but also what is best for the people around me... where will I do the most good? Where will I make the biggest difference? And where will I learn the lessons that I need to learn in order to make me a better person? WHERE DOES THE LORD WANT ME??? BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE I WANT TO BE... AND MAYBE THAT IS SOLELY UP TO ME!!!

I just hope and pray that this weekend when I am in Madison, Wisconsin that I will just feel one way or the other... either it is right or wrong... there are only two options right now... and I get to make that decision. It's kind of scary... but the only things that are worth anything in life take risk and a little bit of the fear factor at hand by taking a step in the dark before the light comes your way.

I'll give some updates as time goes on! This is my life right now... a constant battle between two possible decisions of which both could be good for different reasons. The question remains... Which is the BEST place for me and God's Children for me to be???

TOO BE CONTINUED!